Bidding farewell to four-pronged pike

There is little I can’t do with it, from cleaning out a calf’s house, to getting stuck into a sizeable dung heap.

When armed with pike, I’m a force to be reckoned with.

If there was a world championship for the sport of piking dung, I would undoubtedly be in the final shake up.

Indeed, I could well take gold, for I can double up dung and take it all in my stride. Hauling out powerful pikes of second hand straw, and first hand manure, has never been a bother to me.

I’ve performed such feats for years, and have on occasion been known to wax lyrical about my experiences here on this page.

Simply put, when it comes to dung, and the pike, I’m your man.

Last Saturday, I spent the whole day gamely employed in the art of piking out a calf house. So much so, that by the end of the evening, having spent many hours up to my elbows in dung, I was fit for nothing but to stretch out in front of the fire and dream of all the work I had accomplished.

My missus of course insisted that I take a long bath first, so as not to stink out the house, but I pretended not to hear her, for I was tired and really deserving of the bit of heat.

Anyhow, the reason I’m bringing up the subject of piking dung at all today is not to turn you off your breakfast, or to boast about my skill, it is to do with examining the pike itself.

I have felt for many years that the implement is far from satisfactory, when it comes to the business of sticking it into a steaming dung heap. For, while the four prongs have served us well for generations, I believe it’s high time we progressed and moved on.

It’s time we considered the five-pronged pike.

Always a man with his eye to the future, I believe the modern farmer is perfectly capable of operating such a yoke.

I’ve often been in the position of facing a house full of dung, and looking at my pike, wondering if we are really up to the task, or asking why I don’t have a five-prong.

For while the four-prong will get the job done eventually, I feel the five-prong would get it done all the quicker.

And it’s not as if the five-prong doesn’t exist.

I have seem them advertised in glossy magazines and such like, they look every bit as impressive as the four-prong, only with the added bonus of having an extra gear.

I must confess I have never used a five-pronged pike. But I’m very confident that I could handle her every bit as well as I operate the outdated one I presently have.

The reason we use the four-pronged pike at all is because we have been conditioned into using it by our ancestors, who were, it has to be said, a lot weaker and shorter than us.

Our forefathers didn’t have half the feeding or comfort that we enjoy.

Four prongs were plenty enough for them.

But we, the present generation, are like thoroughbreds by comparison, we could handle a lot more pike.

The time has come to wave a fond farewell to the four-pronged pike.

It has served us well, but we need to look to the future.

I’ve seen the future, my friends, and it’s there to behold in the five- pronged beast.