This is the Pentagon's official Zombie Apocalypse plan

Yes - the US military is prepared, it seems, for every eventuality, including the rise of the living dead.

The eight kinds of zombie, from evil magic to chickens

The Pentagon's not just concerned with the modern "scientific" zombie - they've prepared for every kind, including:

• Pathogenic Zombies - your Walking Dead or 28 Days Later shuffling monster, caused by a virus;

• Radiation Zombies - Post-apocalyptic Metro or Fallout-style;

• Evil Magic Zombies - From Occult experimentation, a la Evil Dead;

• Space Zombies - zombies caused by alien life, or space radiation

• Weaponized Zombies - the results of Frankenstein experimentation, or Resident Evil-style corporations;

• Symbiant-Induced Zombies - caused by a parasite;

• Vegetarian Zombies - thankfully, they pose no direct threat to humans;

• Chicken Zombies - "although it sounds ridiculous, this is actually the only proven class of zombie that actually exists."

Wait, what?

Yep, that's right, chicken zombies.

In December 2006, the Associated Press released a report on the phenomenon where hens that were too old to lay eggs would be euthanized - but still crawl our of the compost piles where they had been buried.

"CZ's are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians," the report notes.

So, what's the plan, then?

The key objective of the plan is "to undertake military operations to preserve 'non-zombie' humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde ... [and] to preserve the sanctity of human life."

CONPLAN 8888 has three main strategies for defending Americans against the undead:

• Establish and maintain a vigilant defensive condition aimed at protecting humankind from zombies.

• If necessary, conduct operations that will, if directed, eradicate zombie threats to human safety.

• Aid civil authorities in maintaining law and order and restoring basic services during and after a zombie attack.

There's also a very World War Z-style observation on the importance of international cooperation. "Having a population that is not composed of zombies or at risk of their malign influence is vital to US and Allied national interests."

I think we can all agree on that.

Also, bizarrely, the report delves into the question of whether troops can legally destroy zombies that were once human, noting that international law only applies to human beings, and "there are almost no restrictions on hostile actions that may be taken."

Seriously, is this a real thing?

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"This plan was not actually designed as a joke," the document's disclaimer warns. "The hyperbole involved in writing a 'zombie survival plan' actually provided a very useful and effective training tool."

The US military frequently creates plans for fictional problems as a training exercise - imagining a crisis in Nigeria, or Tunisia, or wherever else.

This sometimes creates political fallout for the military, when the fictional scenario is unveiled - or worse, mistaken for a real plan.

Therefore: "we elected to use a completely-impossible scenario that could never be mistaken as a real plan."

Sure. Sure. At least, though, there's one on file, just in case. And it's certainly going to provide fuel for the zombie survival enthusiasts online.

Speaking of which, if you happen to live in Dungarvan, the excellent Kitty Catastrophe has already drawn up a plan for you on her blog, Red Lemonade.

Key advice? Hurleys don't need reloading.