I’ve said for a while that if we’re going to end this drought it’ll need to be a Leicester-style miracle, when everyone of substance took a year off.

One month gone and that’s already looking a forlorn hope. Keep claiming “early days”, but like all nightmares you can see the dreadful climax approaching and there isn’t a damn thing you can do.

This column often reads like a private bet; that I could even turn a billion-pound inheritance and the luscious sexual advances of a supermodel into repugnant burdens.

Guilty as charged, but when you’ve navigated this terrain for so long déjà vu becomes de rigour and you’re just awaiting the inevitable blow.

Klopp’s bemusing little ‘spat’ with Gary Neville needn’t concern us unduly. There’s a breed of Liverpool fan that’s somehow convinced of his makeover into an even-handed football savant.

The mask slips often (he rewrote Allez Allez on social media immediately after Kiev, don’t forget) so I’m kinda baffled anyone takes him seriously.

Europe is the only thing we’ve got over United these days. It simply isn’t going to be shunted into the sidings just to narrow the gap on City this time around.

Tottenham were meant to be the first close examination.That you were somehow left cursing after a win confirmed the nerve-shredders of old can still give you a palpitation or ten.

I wasn’t too impressed with Kane getting the night off from England but Dele Alli’s injury was more than adequate compensation and Kane was lousy anyway.

The Reds should’ve had a goal in the first minute, but I’ve ranted and raved about that irrelevant swine of a law so often I can spare you just this once. Offside’s an archaic nonsense, in case you’d forgotten.

We wound up two goals in front anyway despite efficiency levels from Keita, Mane and Salah which bordered on complacency.

Unusually it was Spurs who most looked like strangers. The party line dictates Liverpool made them look awful. It would be churlish to disagree.

Swap Lovren for Van Dijk and there was little chance of last season’s clusterfudge happening again.

Spurs still might’ve had a late equaliser from yet another penalty. Chalk it down to karma for their thespian antics at Anfield in February.

Your boys have maybe cried wolf once too often, Maurizio?

Gravity was messing with them here too, so if referees are getting hep so much the better.

Older supporters often suffer from a hideous machismo and when Firmino left the pitch holding a tissue to his eye my dad’s thoroughly incorrect leanings poured out of me again.

Photos emerging later looked horrendous so I’m suitably chastened and hope he’s okay. It’s no coincidence that when he’s on top form, we are too.

I’m still anxious about Gomez, and these occasional brain-farts will be punished one day. He’s doing great though, overall.

Somehow Tottenham have become ‘rivals’, recent league positions offered as evidence. I’ve never given them a second’s thought unless we were actually playing them, and don’t intend to change now.

Predictably, late anxiety dampened the ardours of a very good performance for 90 minutes, but it’ll keep everyone on their toes.

Alisson was as good as his word, with no fancy footwork this time around.

In fact the whole of the defence has been great so far while it’s the forwards who have triggered more head-shaking.

Liverpool start converting their chances, we might actually be onto something here.

But you did not hear that from me.