'I was in a really bad place for a while': Billie Eilish talks mental health and fame
It's been a busy year for Billie Eilish so far and she shows no signs of slowing down.
She is in the middle of her European tour which included an incredible set at this year's Electric Picnic which has been hailed as one of the festival's highlights.
While she was in Ireland, Eilish and her brother/collaborator Finneas O'Connell sat down with 2FM's Dave Fanning to talk about touring, fame and new music.
A household name now, just two years ago most of us had never even heard of Billie Eilish.
Fanning recalled seeing Eilish perform in Amsterdam with his family back in 2017 and says that they made up about one-fifth of the audience.
"The Fanning family was a bigger crew than we were touring with at the time," jokes O'Connell.
When asked if she ever wanted the fame that has come with her success, Eilish responds with a simple: "I do."
"I love fame. I didn't for a while and there was a period where I was fully miserable and did not want it and was mad that I had it and wished that I could change it.
"But I couldn't and the fact that I couldn't...I was in a really bad place for a while being honest with you.
"I wasn't happy and I didn't think any of this was fun. I didn't like making music at the time."
Thankfully things changed and Eilish was able to get to a place where she enjoyed music again.
"I don't know what happened, I think I stopped being overworked. I started playing venues where I felt safer and we have a bigger crew so we're not doing it all on our own."
The siblings recalled when they first saw that one of their songs - Ocean Eyes - reached 1,000 listens on Soundcloud.
"It was the most beautiful moment," Eilish says of getting the phonecall from her brother while sitting in a Starbucks between classes.
"I couldn't, I actually couldn't believe it. I looked at Soundcloud and it said 1,032 or something and I jumped around."
The pair agreed that the moment was just as special to them as when they reached 3 billion.
O'Connell said that he feels bad for people who have an overnight viral sensation.
"It was so gradual. We had 1,000 and we thought it was amazing and then we thought it was amazing when we got to 10,000.
"We said 'Wow, I can't believe we got to 10,000' and then 20,000 was crazy and then I remember we got to 100,000 and I couldn't even believe we got 100,000.
"It was just great and I think that's how you should live your life, appreciating the gradual growth."
On the label that has been given to her by the media of being an 'anti-pop artist' and a rulebreaker, Eilish says that it is not a title she set out to get.
"I don't ever remember saying to anyone 'Oh, I'm not gonna do the normal'. I wanted to make what I wanted to make and that was it."
Eilish has never been shy about talking about the struggles she has had as her fame grew and her music became more and more popular.
In interviews and on social media, the LA teen has spoken out about depression, anxiety, self harm and living with Tourette syndrome.
She said that thinking about going on tour is "the most tormenting and tortuous thing ever'.
"It kind of sabotaged me for a while because I had these amazing tours planned and amazing shows planned and I was like 'f**k that, I don't wanna go' and then I just kept going and being fine once I'm there."
Her current European tour which included her Electric Picnic performance and a host of other huge festivals dates is the first one that she hasn't felt apprehensive about and dreaded.
O'Connell said that they want to enjoy and appreciate having the opportunity to tour the world and perform.
It might be hard to believe since her debut album has become such a huge success but Eilish revealed that in the days before her debut album When We Fall All Asleep, Where Do We Go? was released she felt really scared.
The teen said that the day before it dropped she wanted to pull the release because she really liked the album and she was afraid it would be ruined once other people heard it and started giving their opinions.
Already fans are desperate for new music but the Bad Guy singer remained vague about when she will drop new music.
She did say that she doesn't want there to be too long of a gap between her two albums.
So, fingers crossed we won't be waiting too long!
