Boyfriend of six weeks wants to wait for perfect time
Hmm. I can understand why alarm bells may be ringing. There is obviously no set timeframe for when sex should happen for the first time in a new relationship, but in my experience, when two adults have the hots for each other, the perfect time is usually pretty soon. I can see why six weeks feels like such a long time.
To put this in perspective, a survey by the online pharmacy Zavamed, which asked 2,000 people in the UK and the US how long they waited before they had sex for the first time with a new partner, found 18% didn’t last a week, 45%had sex within four weeks, and 21% waited between four and eight weeks.
While your boyfriend is perfectly entitled to hold out for what he feels is the right time, he is not entitled to string you along and make you wait without giving you a decent explanation. Not knowing what is going on can undermine your confidence and make you feel insecure. So, the next time you are ready to jump and he shies at the fence, ask him what is wrong. If he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, insist that he has to.
However, don’t make it about you and your feelings. If you use words or phrases such as it “not being normal” or him “not fancying you”, he will retreat. Men can find it hard enough to talk openly, and if you start firing accusations or solutions at him, there’s a good chance that he’ll clam up. Ask him to tell you what is wrong, wait for him to talk, and resist the temptation to fill any awkward silences. If you say nothing, he will. Eventually.
Expect to hear the unexpected. The issue may be something as simple as shyness or lack of confidence. For all we know, he may be suffering from anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction. He may be stressed or depressed. He may be worried about the size of his penis. He may be recovering from an STI. He may be using too much porn.
There are any number of potential explanations, but if he is kissing you passionately and behaving in a way that demonstrates sexual interest, lack of attraction is unlikely to be the issue. How you move forward depends on what he reveals and how it makes you feel. Physical, mental, and sexual difficulties can be overcome, but it can be an uphill struggle.
While I hope it’s not the case, I have to add that his reluctance could also indicate he is
also
involved with someone else. It is a terribly skewed logic, but some people kid themselves that they are not cheating if they don’t have sex. If you are being played, and he tells you the truth, you will probably feel duped, but if you like him a lot, don’t automatically assume the worst. I’m not condoning it, but people don’t always start relationships “clean”. They may be in the process of unravelling another commitment or may have come out of a long-term relationship and feel they want to take it slow. The lie is that they have failed to disclose it, not that they want to be with someone else. If this is the case, and you both feel strongly about each other, things could still work out.
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