Critics blast new Madonna movie
Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s new film, Swept Away, hit the rocks today as critics denounced the couple’s first big screen production together as a 'shipwreck'.
The movie is 'as awful as you’ve heard and as bad as you’ve imagined', according to the Washington Post.
The New York Daily News gave a it an unprecedented zero stars, describing it as 'amateurish', a 'debacle' and a 'new career low' for Madonna.
Ritchie directs the remake of the 1974 Italian parable about a wealthy married woman who washes ashore on a Mediterranean island with the yacht deckhand she has been abusing for days.
In their new surroundings the American rich bitch, played by Madonna, is suddenly left dependent on the sailor, and has to beg him for help until they become lovers.
The Los Angeles Times described the on-screen affair as a 'rough trade Punch and Judy act', while The New York Times said the production was 'soggy and superfluous'.
Rolling Stone said: "Audiences are likely to be slack-jawed. It’s the movie that’s a shipwreck.”"
Ritchie’s direction is also criticised, with many reviewers noting his wife’s unflattering on-screen appearance.
"Her overtoned arms are striped with veins and she has back muscles that could cast shadows in afternoon light," said the Daily News.
The Los Angeles Weekly commented on the production’s lighting that “'emphasises every line and sag'.
The New York Post even questioned whether the entire film was “some sort of an in-joke” between Ritchie and his wife, before concluding: “Not even a liferaft can save Madonna’s latest sinker.”
“Setting aside the abhorrently misogynistic premise and the fact that Mrs Ritchie can’t act to save her life, Swept Away’s worst crime is that it is butt-numbingly B-O-R-I-N-G,” said reviewer Megan Turner.
