Mary Tyler-Moore was far from ordinary

Mary Tyler-Moore defined the idea of women in the workplace — while constantly in search of herself, writes Taffy Brodesser-Akner.

Mary Tyler-Moore was far from ordinary

Mary Tyler-Moore defined the idea of women in the workplace — while constantly in search of herself, writes Taffy Brodesser-Akner.

There was a scene that Robert Redford wanted for Ordinary People in which Beth Jarrett, played by Mary Tyler Moore, takes a cake out of the refrigerator.

The cake has a circle of cherries on top, and the only action in the scene is Beth, the cold, bereaved mother, looking at the cake, adjusting the cherries, then putting the cake back in the fridge.

Moore was alone in the kitchen. Redford wanted to capture Beth in an unobserved moment — what was this woman really like?

How was she coping with the accidental death of her older son and the recent suicide attempt of her younger son?

Had she escaped into her fastidiousness and her uptightness?

He shot it once; no good. He shot it again; no good. She tried to bring a motivation to each take: Was this cake good enough? Or, Did the cake need more cherries?

And each time he’d say: “No, no, clear your mind. Let’s go again.” Every time the kitchen was set up for another scene, Redford used the opportunity to try the shot again. Moore called it “the bane of the production.”

He shot it over and over, 26 times in total in front of a “mystified” crew, she wrote in her memoir.

Redford knew the role was a change from Moore’s sunny appearances as Mary Richards on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Laura Petrie on The Dick Van Dyke Show, so much so that he was initially worried to even approach her.

But when he did, he told her that when he read the Judith Guest novel that he was adapting, he couldn’t stop picturing Moore as Beth. Redford had a home in Malibu, and sometimes he’d look out on the beach and see her taking walks.

Actor Dick Van Dyke, has a laugh with actress Mary Tyler Moore at the 14th Annual TV Academy Hall of Fame Awards in 1999. Van Dyke and Moore had co-starred for several years on the Dick Van Dyke Show.
Actor Dick Van Dyke, has a laugh with actress Mary Tyler Moore at the 14th Annual TV Academy Hall of Fame Awards in 1999. Van Dyke and Moore had co-starred for several years on the Dick Van Dyke Show.

She seemed like a sad figure on those walks, so different from the spunky and triumphant walks she took in the opening credits of The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

He told her that it was the most important role in the film. He wanted someone to play her sympathetically. Moore agreed emphatically.

Beth reminded Moore of her father. She also had a little of Beth in her herself — she would realise that eventually. She told Redford that she didn’t think of Beth as a villain but as just another victim in the story.

Moore called Ordinary People the “holy grail” of her career, not just because it had a remarkable script and production, or because of the Oscar nomination that she earned from it, but because it saved her from eternal typecasting just when she needed it.

She had been so good in sitcoms. But what now? She was only in her early 40s, and it seemed as if she was sentenced to a life of short-lived series and celebrity guest appearances on sitcoms and game shows. Depth and mood and range weren’t things people associated with her.

When The Mary Tyler Moore Show debuted in 1970, no one could have predicted how iconic it would become for the way it portrayed women’s experiences in the workplace, and for the way its heroine, Mary Richards, remained plucky in the face of discrimination, both passive and aggressive.

That was back when plucky seemed like a good solution to the constant insults of merely trying to function while female, when smiling with moxie at all the crap thrown in your direction seemed like the best way to survive and advance.

Mary Richards struck an exact balance of wit and intelligence with a kind of wise understanding of people’s natures. She was a perfect guide for navigating the a-wokening of the corporate American man (a project that is still ongoing, to say the least).

The show’s cultural impact over its seven years was monumental. Mary Richards allowed women to ask themselves questions out loud about what exactly they were hoping for in life, why it was so important for them to marry and how the families we build for ourselves can be as important and sustaining as the families we’re born into.

Mary Richards was a hero for all she represented. But Moore wasn’t Mary Richards. She didn’t have her ease or confidence. She grew up in a house with distant parents; her mother was an alcoholic. Moore lived between her parents’ house and her grandmother and aunt’s house.

When she was at her parents’ house, she slept on the couch, because there were only two bedrooms and she felt uncomfortable sleeping in the same room with her brother.

She grew up to struggle with diabetes, with rejection, with alcoholism, with divorce, with another divorce, with the death of a grown, only child, with forgiveness.

She left her second husband, Grant Tinker, with whom she had so little intimacy that they never undressed in front of each other except during actual sex.

She moved to New York, away from him. At night, in her apartment, she made margaritas in her blender that were one-quarter drink mix, one-quarter ice and one-half tequila, so that they had the consistency of a milkshake.

She got into her bed at night, next to the air-conditioner, and built a kind of fort around herself with pillows and drank until those margaritas began their work. (She would eventually marry a third time.) People still mistook Moore for Richards, though.

In 1980, Gloria Steinem asked Moore to speak at an Equal Rights Amendment rally in Washington. Moore said yes, but when the time came, she lied and said she had an ear infection and couldn’t fly.

Steinem suggested she take a train instead. She told Moore that Tip O’Neill, the speaker of the House, had agreed to meet with Steinem’s group — Bella Abzug, Gloria Allred, etc. — only if Moore was in attendance. So Moore took the train, begrudgingly, now roped into a four-hour trip instead of an hourlong flight.

She showed up to the meeting and submitted to the “big hug” that O’Neill demanded of her. (“Where’s that little cutie?” she remembered him saying.) But it was a waste of time.

The amendment stalled, and she found the women rallying for equal rights well intentioned and intelligent but off-putting, with their shouting, like “angry children.”

This, she believed, was one reason the amendment ultimately failed to become law. Yes, she saw the paradox in all this. Yes, she loved Mary Richards, too. But didn’t all the women in America know by now how exhausting it was to aspire to be Mary Richards?

So there she was, a few years after her show went off the air.

She told people she ended it so that they could go out on top, but the real reason was that the producers, the writers and Tinker, who co-founded their production company, MTM Enterprises, saw so much potential in spin-offs — Rhoda, Lou Grant and others — that it seemed like the smart move.

Great for the bottom line, yes, but what about Moore? She had these Maryisms, she called them — referring to the movements and speech patterns that she had absorbed into her own manner after so many years of playing Mary Richards.

She did some theatre, including playing a quadriplegic who wants to end her own life, in Whose Life Is It, Anyway? for which she won raves and a special Tony.

Then came Redford’s offer. But it wasn’t really an offer, in the end. After they spoke that first time, he took three months to consider if she was right for the role, auditioning just about every actress in town, from what Moore heard.

When he finally returned to her, saying, Yes, please, come be my Beth Jarrett, she nearly fell over with relief. Now she could show something of herself to as big an audience as she’d always had.

She had been so afraid that people would find out that she wasn’t Mary Richards. But in the time she waited for Redford’s offer, she realised she was more afraid that they wouldn’t; she was more afraid that she’d never be seen or known or loved for who she was.

Redford continued to try to get the shot of Beth and the cake, but it was never to be. It appears nowhere in the film. Moore said later that she believed that Redford had been looking for Beth’s soul. But Beth wasn’t the kind of person to reveal her soul.

Beth was the kind of person who would rather give you a cake and a smile. She could mourn by overcoming sadness in a lifelong pursuit for perfectionism.

Beth’s soul was the act of not showing her soul. How did Redford not see that? How did Redford not see that Beth’s soul was right in front of him the entire time?

NYT Magazine

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