Am I too old for great sex with a new man?
Fabulous sex in a new relationship is brilliant at any age, but it is particularly sweet when you are a 65-year-old woman. As people get older, the ratio of men to women gradually declines, and since single men tend to date downwards, it becomes increasingly difficult for older women to find partners of a similar age.
It is a discrepancy that makes it impossible for dating apps that cater to seniors to achieve any kind of gender balance. And it explains why you feel anxious about losing a sexual relationship that is newly acquired and highly valued.
Although your anxiety is understandable, it is not terribly constructive. Yes, you are lucky, but none of us knows what life holds for us, so stop worrying and enjoy your good fortune. Sex drive is not something that is time-limited, but, presumably, this is not the first relationship you have had, so you will be aware that it is normal for sexual novelty to fade over time. You should also know that this is nothing to do with age and would happen if you were 25, too.
Arguably, being older makes you appreciate sexual intimacy and excitement even more than you did when you were younger, and age gives you the maturity to value your emotional connection more, too. Being more sexually experienced means that you are less likely to be inhibited, and you are also more likely to be able to talk through difficulties and overcome hurdles together. This is important, because, although things are clearly going well at the moment, sexual function, like general health and mobility, does generally go a bit downhill in later life. Being able to find ways to stay close, while you navigate these hurdles, requires trust, openness, and a mutual commitment to keeping the spark alive.
Sexual function can be affected by all sorts of things. However, you have, I imagine, already been on the hormonal rollercoaster that is menopause, so the worst is probably behind you. You are, of course, fortunate to be growing old at a time when sexual dysfunction is less of an issue than it has been in the past. There are an increasing number of pharmaceutical options for couples who want to carry on having sex in later life.
Data from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing shows that more than half (54%) of men and almost a third (31%) of women over 70 are sexually active and a third of these men and women are classed as having frequent sex. In the US, a similar study found that 70% of couples with an average age of 75 engaged in weekly sex. This is really good news because the benefits of sex in later life are huge. It makes you feel happier and more relaxed and reduces the risk of depression. It decreases feelings of loneliness and isolation. It boosts your immune system and protects against prostate cancer, and prevents incontinence. It is also associated with a better survival rate from heart attack for men. Sex keeps you mobile and flexible. It enhances your self-esteem and increases feelings of self-worth. And it is free, if you can find it. Luckily, you have.
Send your queries to suzigodson@mac.com
