The man accused of murdering Garda Colm Horkan has denied that he was "spoiling for a row" with gardaí and said his behaviour at the time was down to him being mentally unwell.
Stephen Silver also told his Central Criminal Court trial that when he started grappling with Gda Horkan, he believed he was being targetted for assassination, or that he was being attacked by a drug dealer.
He added: "I had a lot of confused thoughts about the situation. I was just trying to get free of the situation. I felt I was in danger, but it happened so fast, it was very very very frightening."
Mr Silver (46), a motorbike mechanic from Aughavard, Foxford, Co Mayo, has pleaded not guilty to the murder of Det Garda Horkan knowing or being reckless as to whether he was a member of An Garda Síochána acting in accordance with his duty.
He pleaded guilty to manslaughter by reason of diminished responsibility, at Castlerea, Co Roscommon on June 17th, 2020.
Mr Silver told his counsel, Roisin Lacey SC, he is ashamed of the way he behaved during his garda interviews following the shooting.
He apologised to the Horkan family "for the hurt I caused", and added: "There's not a day goes by I don't think about it."
He said his behaviour during the interviews, which the jury have watched, was "not normal for me, not normal at all. Only when I'd be sick. That's the first time I'd ever seen anything like that, seen myself acting like that."
Under cross-examination, Mr Silver told prosecution counsel Michael Delaney SC that on the day of the shooting he did not want any hassle with gardaí.
He accepted that he created a disturbance by driving a motorcycle at speed with no helmet or light around a housing estate late at night and shouting: "I dare the armed squad to come down here."
He said he was "stupid" but was not trying to provoke the gardaí.
When Mr Delaney said that he seemed to have wanted the gardaí to come for a confrontation, Mr Silver replied: "These were fleeting thoughts. Ten seconds later I wouldn't want anything to do with the guards."
Mr Delaney asked if he was thinking of shooting a garda when he dared the armed squad to come down. The accused replied: "No, sure I have no interest in shooting guards."
Counsel suggested it was "clear you were spoiling for a row with gardaí," to which Mr Silver responded: "No, It's just I was unwell. There is no other reason for it."
The cross-examination continues on Thursday afternoon in front of Mr Justice Paul McDermott and a jury of seven men and five women.
