Donegal tragedy: We all held our children a little tighter

Elaine Duggan of Cork's Evening Echo wrote an emotional piece this week reacting to the terrible tragedy in Buncrana at the weekend.

Donegal tragedy: We all held our children a little tighter

Elaine Duggan of Cork's Evening Echo wrote an emotional piece this week reacting to the terrible tragedy in Buncrana at the weekend.

I held my children a little longer this week, a little tighter, read an extra story, checked on them a bit more frequently, lingered at their bedroom doorway as they slept peacefully, and I watched them, silently… with a heavy ache in my heart.

I’m sure mothers all over Ireland did the same, as the details continued to emerge of the unimaginable tragedy in Donegal that claimed five lives from the one family.

Too often at home it’s a rushed story time, a quick cuddle, a stern voice to go to sleep as they bounce around in their cot, or wander to the top of the landing, looking for something ridiculous like their ‘favourite’ toy that they haven’t played with in two months.

On Monday morning I was feeling sorry for myself, a bout of vomiting bug had hit the household, me included, and everyone was sleep-deprived. The toddler was irritable, the pre-schooler was bored, mum and dad were frazzled, the house was like a bomb hit it, the washing was piled high to the ceiling. As I drove to work the news was emerging about Donegal and all my so-called ‘troubles’ paled into total and utter insignificance. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I drove.

I arrived to the office and bumped into another mother in the canteen, she mentioned Donegal, she had a look that only another mum would have, in the face of such a heart-breaking story. You could see the upset etched on her face as we all imagined the unimaginable.

That evening as I drove home I learned more about the victims and those left behind, in particular Louise McGrotty, who lost her husband Sean, sons Mark , 12 and Evan, 8, her mother Ruth Daniels and her sister Jodie Lee Daniels, aged 14, when the car they were travelling in plunged off a pier in Buncrana on Sunday evening. The only miracle was the survival of Louise four-month-old baby girl, Rionaghac-Ann, who was saved from the submerged vehicle by a man who came to help the family.When that hero was interviewed on national news on Monday night, the whole nation mourned with him.

I arrived home on Monday to semi-chaos — to find the four-year-old wailing like a banshee, because she had to eat cottage pie, the toddler squashing her dinner into her Peppa Pig toy, and a very frustrated daddy trying to convince both girls to eat up.

Any other day of the week, the cross words would have come. Not then.

Later, we headed to see my mum on her birthday. It was a small gathering, of all the important people in her life: her husband, two children, three grandkids, son-in-law and daughter-in-law.

One of the first things she said, when we arrived in the door, was ‘isn’t it awful about Donegal’. There it was, that look again, of a mother, who could feel another woman’s raw grief as if it was her own.

Then, I looked around the room and thought, ‘how would I feel if all these people, the most important beings in my life, were lost to me in one fell swoop’.

There, in his carrycot, was my little nephew, just four months old — the same age as Rionaghac-Ann, a tiny, vulnerable little thing. What if he, too, had lost everyone in the room before him… what would life be like?

The kids helped nana blow out her candles, and had a slice of birthday cake (and tried to sneak a second).

My four-year-old took a photo of her and nana off the mantelpiece, wrapped it in kitchen paper and ‘re-gifted’ it to her — we all laughed. These are the moments we should be treasuring, memories we should hold dear.

I’m guilty of sometimes seeing the ordinary, everyday things as humdrum, a daily grind, but there’s always magic in even the small things. We just don’t always see it or appreciate them.

There’s lots of eye-rolling, at the moment, because the kids have nearly three weeks off school. Jezz, what will we do with them? Just do something with them.. anything, spend time with them, go places they enjoy, see things that will interest them.

Whether they are toddlers or teens, cuddle them, let them know how important they are in your life, together — just go and make some memories.

Louise McGrotty should have been spending this week buying Easter eggs. Instead, she’s picking out her children’s coffins.

I really hope I won’t forget Donegal in a few weeks, or even days, and if there’s any lesson for us in such a tragedy it is to treasure every moment.

Before lights out on Monday night, my four-year-old whispered: “I love you more than candy floss, Mom”. She shut her eyes and went off to sleep with a smile, and so did I.

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