An Irish teenager is being sought by Lancashire police after a supermarket fishmonger was "assaulted with a large bream".
No, we're not codding (sorry).
Police said the incident took place in Accrington on Tuesday, February 4.
The 52-year-old supermarket worker was battered (sorry, again) when the young woman approached the fish counter to ask about different fish.
It is believed she was the sole fishmonger on duty (I'll stop in a minute, I swear).
"Without warning the woman picked up a large bream from the fish stall and slapped the worker across the face before running out of the store," police said.
"The victim believes the incident was being filmed on a mobile phone by a man stood nearby who also ran from the scene."
Police said the crime was on the serious end of the scale (honestly, I do apologise) but could not confirm reports that the victim was "absolutely gutted" (last one, I promise).
The woman is described as being Irish and aged between 15 and 18 with blonde, shoulder-length untidy hair. She was wearing dark jeans and a blue coat with white cuffs, white down the front and a red collar with ‘I love PB’ on the left breast pocket.
The man is described as being around the same age, 5ft8 tall, wearing a dark coat and dark grey trousers and boots.
Police are now looking for the gillty parties (sorry).
“This behaviour is completely unacceptable and I would appeal to anybody that witnessed this incident or recognises either the man or the woman pictured in the CCTV images to come forward," PC Graham Hartley said.