Cadbury cuts Dairy Milk from tins of Roses

In possibly the most controversial thing to have happened since Saipan, Cadbury has confirmed that the Dairy Milk chunk has been cut from tins of Roses this Christmas.

Yes, that's right - without so much as a word of consultation, this innocuous rectangle of milk chocolate, whose only wish was to bring joy to the world, has been brutally cast into the abyss.

In a world riven by conflict, disillusion and heartbreak, surely this can be the last straw.

Predictably, Twitter was in uproar as news swept the globe.

"The whole family is up in arms," tweeter Val Robus told

"I won this tin - I won't be buying another one."

A spokesperson for Cadbury's Ireland confirmed the shocking news to us, adding that to replace the beloved chunk, they have included two new sweets: Signature Truffle and Coffee Escape

Surely this is some kind of joke, we said (in our heads).

You're cutting the chocolate chunk and bringing back COFFEE?

"The Roses selection would undergo changes before every festive season, and this year, based on feedback, it was decided to reintroduce a coffee flavour sweet," said a Cadbury's representative.

Feedback from whom, exactly?

"Coffee? Who lies coffee chocolates?" said Val.

"No, no no…"

Here they are, in all their low-definition glory:

Quite frankly, we're shocked and stunned, and were just about to launch a campaign of opposition until the guy from Cadbury's told us that you can still get the Dairy Milk chunk in boxes of Heroes.


*Shuffles awkwardly*

By Conor Hallahan

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