Wiggins the wittiest
Olympic cycling champion Bradley Wiggins has landed yet another title - Britain’s greatest living wit.
More than 2,000 British adults were asked to choose from a shortlist of 25 celebrities, excluding professional comedians, to select the funniest person.
The Tour de France champion came top for quips such as the one he made to crowds by the Champs-Elysees, who came to see him become the race’s first British winner.
“We’re just going to draw the raffle numbers now,” he said.
Other jokes included saying after winning Sports Personality Of The Year: “Nan, the cheque is in the post, because you pressed redial God knows how many times.”
London Mayor Boris Johnson came second in the poll, carried out to mark the start of TV channel Dave’s Leicester Comedy Festival, with jokes such as “My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.”
Crystal Palace football manager Ian Holloway was third for the likes of “Right now, everything is going wrong for me – if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I’d come out sucking my thumb!”
The top five was completed by Apprentice star Lord Sugar and Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson.
Robbie Williams was sixth, followed by Noel Gallagher, who said of his estranged brother Liam: “He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet, he’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
Singer Rod Stewart was eighth, who said after a divorce: “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
Ninth and tenth place went to Ant McPartlin, followed by Colin Firth, who quipped: “Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke.”
No women made the top 10, although Claudia Winkleman was voted funniest woman, followed by Lily Allen.
Dave general manager Steve North said: “Britain is a hotbed of comedy talent and it’s clear you don’t have to be on the comedy payroll to get the nation laughing, as our top ten of Britain’s greatest living wits encompasses celebrities from diverse fields including the worlds of sport, music, film and politics.
“Our winner, Bradley Wiggins, has a special place in the nation’s heart which seems to be on account of his red-hot wit as well as his incredible sporting abilities.”
The Leicester Comedy Festival runs from today until February 24.
Top 10 Wittiest
1. Sir Bradley Wiggins
Asked about how he’s anticipating one of the punishing Tour de France climbs in the Pyrenees – “It goes uphill like all the others, doesn’t it?”
2. Boris Johnson
During London 2012: “’Inspire a generation’ is our motto. Not necessarily ’Create a generation’…which is what they sometimes get up to in the Olympic village.”
3. Ian Holloway
After QPR beat Cardiff: “I couldn’t be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season.”
4. Lord Sugar
To Apprentice candidates: “I’ve read all your CVs and on paper you all look good, but so does fish and chips.”
5. Jeremy Clarkson
“I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”
6. Robbie Williams
“Madonna looked amazing. I can’t believe she’s 89 and looks like that.”
7. Noel Gallagher
On Wayne Rooney’s hair transplant: “I’m not having it, He looks like a f**king balloon with a f**king Weetabix crushed on top.”
8. Rod Stewart
“It’s often said that a band is like a family, and that may well be true, depending on how often your family is tired and drunk.”
9. Ant McPartlin
“Our first flat, in South West London, was a pig-sty….Peter Andre lived in the flat above us and in the evenings he’d go to the gym while we’d be working on our own six packs – of beer.”
10. Colin Firth
Joking about the possibility of his fellow Bridget Jones’s Diary star Hugh Grant retiring from acting: “All we can do is hope and pray.”