Wooden performances cost 'Immortals' dearly
Immortals
(Cert 15, 106 mins, Action/Romance)
Many centuries ago, the Gods battled the mighty Titans and imprisoned these creatures deep within Mount Tartaros, inside a cage that can only be broken by a bolt from the Epirus Bow.
Thankfully, the weapon is lost... until megalomaniac King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) declares war on the Gods by ravaging the land in search of the bow.
Ancient law prevents Zeus (Luke Evans), his daughter Athena (Isabel Lucas) and the other Gods from intervening in mankind’s conflict, so they watch with mounting dread from Mount Olympus as down on Earth, strapping Theseus (Henry Cavill), slave Stavros (Stephen Dorff) and beautiful oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto) mount a last-gasp defence against Hyperion and his hordes.
Forged in the same cinematic fires as the muscle-bound romp 300, Immortals is a feast of naked male torsos and rippling biceps loosely inspired by the myth of Theseus and the Minotaur.
Screenwriters Charley Parlapanides and Vlas Parlapanides have taken this simple story of heroism against the odds and expanded it into a swaggering swords and sandals adventure awash with decapitation, dismemberment and gratuitous sex.
Amidst the leather loincloth-clad cast of walking washboards and chiselled jaws, Pinto simpers as the soothsayer who relinquishes her virginity in an unintentionally amusing sex scene in a temple.
Cavill is easy on the eye but his performance is wooden.
The camera lingers lasciviously on his beautifully toned body as he cuts a swathe through hordes of nasty henchmen but like the rest of Tarsem Singh’s film, he’s a posturing endorsement of brawn over brains.
One version of the Blu-ray includes the film in 3D format.
Rating: 2/5.
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