Which of these four 'official' types of drunk are you?

Everyone has a drunk personality. Our favourite is the quiet colleague who immediately disappears into their cubicle at work, but as soon as the office Christmas party rolls around, they’re hijacking the mic to give an intoxicated – although very heartfelt – rendition of Love Is A Battlefield.

According to US scientists, there are four types of drunk personality.

A research team at the University of Missouri conducted a survey of 374 university age men and women. Participants were asked 50 questions in a personality test – first when they were completely sober, and then again when they had had a few cocktails of choice.

Researchers measured their results using five factors: emotional stability, agreeableness, intellect, extroversion and conscientiousness.

The team hope their discoveries will be used to tailor and streamline alcoholism interventions and treatments to particular personality types.

Here’s who they discovered.

The Hemingway

The largest number of drinkers fell into this group. It’s named after the infamous author who claimed he could drink as much whisky as he wanted and remain, by appearances, sober. (Presumably they hadn’t defined the “high-functioning alcoholic” by that point).

Participants showed little change in their personalities even when under the influence.

You might want to consider this one a double-edged sword – crucial for getting through the door at the club on a night out, but when you really need someone to take you home because it’s killing your soul to stay in that kebab shop, they might not notice.

The Mr Hyde

The second personality, named after the amiable Dr Jekyll’s evil side, these drinkers become “less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile” after too many pints.

But don’t assume they’re all like the bloke at the pub who gets too aggro after someone accidentally bumps into him on the way to the loo. Two-thirds of this group are female.

The Mary Poppins

Meet Mr Hyde’s total opposite. This group, instead of becoming angry that you’re gently placing them in a cab home, smile nicely and listen to anything you say.

They’re the ones that are described in results as “sweet” and “co-operative”. No word yet on if they can fly by umbrella or fit everything and the kitchen sink in their handbags.

(Side note: Has anyone actually met one of these? They seem like a unicorn lost on a Friday night out on the high street)

The Nutty Professor

Last but not least is the Nutty Professor. Inspired by the character made famous by Jerry Lewis and later Eddie Murphy, these fellows are like our beloved Christmas party superstar.

Sober, they’re introverted wallflowers. But once the wine is uncorked, Professors shed their inhibitions to become social and talkative.

 

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