The Ten Commandments of being Irish

Are you of Ireland? Here's the 10 rules you have to live by...

We were having a look at Alain De Botton's Ten Commandments for Atheists today, and that got us thinking, which is always dangerous…

So now we present:

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR IRISH PEOPLE

1. Thou shalt not worship false idols. There is but one God, and Simon Zebo is his name.

Should Simon not be available, feel free to worship the BOD in his stead.

(YouTube/RBS6Nations)

2. Thou shalt keep the first week in September holy

Don’t be booking holidays or anything for All-Ireland week. This could be your year, you can feel it.

(Picture: SPORTSFILE)

3. Thou shalt not sit out thy round

Nor shalt thou order something ridiculous. I don't want to be all night at the counter.

4. Thou shalt not forget to turn off the immersion

You had it on for how long? Do you think we're made of money? (H/T: Des Bishop)

(YouTube: Des Bishop)

5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s mortgage

Yes, we know you bought your house for half the price of ours. We love the fact that you keep reminding us, thanks for that.

6. Thou shalt not eat more than one type of crisp

What, you like King and Tayto? BUT THAT’S JUST WRONG (see also: ‘Tea’, ‘Stout’).

7. Thou shalt not use sunscreen

Be grand, so it shalt.

8. Thou shalt remember thy county jersey when on holidays

Because Zebo forbid anyone in Ko Samui should remain unaware that you’re from Carlow.

For extra Irishness points, casually break out the hurls on Bondi beach.

Lads, yis brought hurls to Australia?

(Picture: INPHO)

9. Thou shalt obey thy Mammy

Or @irishmammies will let you know all about it.

10. Thou shalt know who said Mass

Because thou shalt be asked, and thou had better know what the homily was about or thou will be found out.

Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments…

By Conor Hallahan
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