Passengers treated to funniest-ever flight-safety spiel

That safety buckle, for example, should be positioned “tight across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra”.

She urges passengers to use the “disco lights” to get to the exits in the event of an emergency, in which case they’ll also get a life jacket, or “teeny weeney yellow Southwest bikini”.

If that event means they also need to use the oxygen masks, they’re reassured they’ll be fed a steady stream of gin through them.

Anyone who disobeys the no-smoking rule is invited to “step outside into the smoking area”, and any mile-highers in the plane are advised that web cams are not allowed in the toilets. Cheeky!

Passengers on the “no smoking, no whining, no complaining flight” lapped it up, roaring with laughter and breaking into spontaneous applause at the best bits.

Martha, from dallas and with seven years’ experience as a flight attendant (but none, surprisingly, as a stand-up comic) wraps it up by advising passengers they can “sit back and relax, or can sit up and be tense” if they prefer.

She told Yahoo News that she perfected her lines over a couple of years.

"I learned it a certain way, saying funny things here and there," she said. “While we were at the gate, we gave the pilots a heads-up, (and an extra flight attendant) was nice enough to film it for us."

Five million views later (which Martha says “humbles” her), we’re so glad she did.

Ryanair and Aer lingus, take note. Please :)

HT: Newstalk