7 completely bulletproof reasons why Cork should be a Republic

You know how it is – you’re sitting in a Cork pub of a Tuesday evening, chatting to the locals, when someone starts the old Dublin – Cork argument.

Usually, this follows a local lad noticing you’re drinking Guinness instead of Murphy’s, and inevitably the “real capital” is referred to – and the dream of Cork independence.

It’s “Cork Independence Day” today, didn’t you know, and fundraising efforts are going on across the county for charity (and it happens to be Michael Collins’ birthday, too – fancy that).

But hang on, now — Corkonians might just be able to make that work.

Here’s why.

1. Cork collects buckets of tax

Figures from 2008 show Co Cork paid €2.7bn in PAYE – and that’s not even counting self-employed tax or corporation tax.

Plenty to get started with. Sure what’d you spend it on? After all, Cork County Council’s budget for 2013 is only €286.1m, and the City Council is only funded to the tune of €162.1m.

Loads left to spend on roads and water and all that good stuff, once they cut off the rest of those freeloader counties.

2. Luxembourg can do it

Luxembourg’s the size of Cork and even has a monarchy, lads. That’s the heir getting married last year.

Luxembourg is a great spot. Tiny little nation with a population of 537,853. But Cork is the same size with a population of 518,128!

And for people who reckon Cork is too small to be a country: Luxembourg is 2,586km2 in size. Cork is almost three times that area, at 7,499km2.

Huh.

3. They’ve got half the Army

Since the end of 2012, the Army in Ireland has been split into two sections: the southern First Brigade and the eastern Second Brigade.

One is headquartered in Cork, and one in Dublin. A country needs an army, so they’d just have to convince their half to hop on board.

With stirring speeches about the rebel county and Michael Collins, no doubt.

4. They’ve already got the passport system sorted.

Ah yes. The Cork passport. The marketing campaign for The Gathering that had everyone outside the county’s borders rolling their eyes at their self-importance.

But it’s designed, sure. And Cork has its own passport office on South Mall, lads.

It wouldn’t be too hard to legitimise the whole system and get them printed with Roy Keane, Cobh and Shandon Bells watermarked on the inner pages.

5. They’re a Gas bunch of lads in Kinsale

See that beauty? Pumpin’ gas off Kinsale, so she is.

No, really. The Kinsale Head gas field down in Cork waters supplied the whole country with natural gas until 1996 – it’s the reason they set up Bord Gáis – and while it’s past its heyday, there’s still a bit of juice in the old girl.

Surely enough to fuel the Republic of Cork, especially once that ban on smoke fuels is lifted. It’ll be grand.

6. By air and sea

An independent Cork would have to look out for itself. But they’d probably get along great with the Other Republic – bound to be someone’s cousin in charge.

But what if they didn’t get along? Enter Cork harbour.

It’s one of the biggest natural harbours on earth- tying for second place with a few others – and has two islands in it.

One, Haulbowline, is the main naval base and HQ of the Irish Navy. The other, Spike Island, is home to a star fort with banks of artillery guns along its perimeter.

Add that to the international airport and you’re sorted.

7. It’d annoy Dubliners

Because, let’s face it, that’s all this argument is really about.

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